


Love Songs for Calum

by wastelandcth



Series: for Calum [2]
Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: 5 Seconds of Summer - Freeform, 5SOS - Freeform, Cheesy Love Songs, love songs for calum
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-04
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-17 07:07:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 10,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29837865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wastelandcth/pseuds/wastelandcth
Summary: A collection of love songs for the pretty boy with brown eyes, the perfect way to spend February.
Relationships: Calum Hood/You
Series: for Calum [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2195769





	1. Five Years

**Author's Note:**

> this was written for my tumblr as part of my series in February. I hope you enjoy!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Calum finds himself imagining what the next five years hold for you two.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on the song 5 Years by Noah and the Whales.  
> warnings: mentions of implied smut.

Calum’s life had never been predictable. Ever since he was a child he was never able to predict what he’d be doing a year from now. But when Calum met you, he started imagining what his life could be like if things worked out between the two of you. Whenever he was bored on a tour bus or when the nights alone on tour kept his brain awake, he’d imagine what life with you could be like in the next couple of years.

One day, when the February sun had shone high above in the sky and both you and Calum had enough time away from the busy lives to spend more than just the night together, you found yourselves at the zoo. The weather had been perfect and the zoo itself wasn’t too busy, which meant that strolling through the empty walkways and stopping to watch the animals graze around their exhibits was the perfect way to spend the day.

“Did you know elephants have the biggest brain of any of the mammals?” Calum mumbled happily, looking over at you as you both stopped to watch one of the baby elephants trot after its sibling, making little trumpet noises.

“Really? They must be very smart then,” you mumbled, a smile on your face as you watched the little one jump into the puddle.

Before you knew it, your vision was black and you felt the warmth from Calum’s hands on your skin. Laughing softly and trying to pry his hands from your eyes, you couldn’t help but whine quietly as you heard the trumpeting from the elephants.

“Calum! Let me see!” you whined and managed to peek through in between his fingers just in time to see the baby elephant stumble into the puddle, both you and Calum chuckling as you leaned into one another.

Calum had a memory in his head of when you two went to the beach in Sydney. How the sun was so warm and the sand was soft against his skin. He remembered how excited you had been to see the famous beaches of Australia and you’d practically begged him to take you as soon as you’d settled into the hotel room. He remembers how quiet you’d gotten when you arrived at the beach and you’d finally got your first taste of the ocean breeze, how your eyes were trained on the waves and the horizon.

Calum took many pictures on that trip, pictures of the view from the ocean so he could show you whenever you felt down. He took pictures of the food you both ate, of the good plates, and the more questionable midnight snacks you’d find yourself eating. But Calum’s favorite picture was one of you laying on the Sydney beach, the sun shining down on you while your head was in his lap. He’d kept that picture close to his heart, making sure he reminded you that you could always go visit the beach and stare at the ocean whenever you wanted to.

The first time you and Calum got drunk together, it had been an accident. A night out to dinner with the band had led to both of you drinking way too many glasses of wine from the Italian restaurant that Ashton had raved about for more than a month before the guys all decided to make a night out of it. The pasta had been very cheesy and the wine had been strong, which had led to both of you leaning into the other as you walked down the cobblestone streets of the little plaza.

You were leaning against the wall, watching as Calum took a pull of the cigarette he had lit a few minutes ago. His head was tilted back as he let the puff of smoke leave his lips.

“I’m drunk.” he mumbled quietly, his words slurred and his chest rumbling with laughter, “Don’t think I’ve ever gotten this drunk this fast, Whatever they put in that wine, oof.” he chuckled and nodded, holding out the cigarette to her.

“Mm, it was definitely a strong one.” you chuckled, taking the cigarette from his hands and taking a pull, feeling the burn in your lungs as you exhaled.

“I think I love you,” he whispered as you both stood next to each other in silence. “I have for a while.”

“I think I love you too.”

Calum always felt happy when he was around you. He could be himself, not the Calum Hood that was known for being a musician and a heartbreaker. He could be the Calum he always was when he was by himself. That night, after he’d told you that he loved you and you’d said it back, things had changed. Calum wasn’t afraid to be that person he had been hiding away for so long. He wasn’t afraid to just show up in the same hoodie he’d worn for three days in a row because he knew you’d still love him.

He’d mentioned it to you, on a day where you were both tangled in the bedsheets and his curls were stuck to his forehead while your hair was sprawled out over his chest. How happy he felt with you, that he’d never been as happy before then he was with you. You had smiled up at him, pressing a kiss on to his collarbone tattoo. “Yeah? Well, I’m always pretty happy when I’m just here with you.”

Calum loved making love to you. He loved how he felt close to you whenever he had you under him or on top of him. He loved how you squirmed under his touch while his hands held your waist tight to the end of the bed. Making love to you was different than the casual sex you two were usually having. It was soft kisses and hips meeting in the bed that you both had shared many times before. It was soft grunts and whines that left both of you as you chased a high. He loved the little noises you would make as their hips met. Calum loved how at the end of every night he would end up tangled in your arms, chest heaving, and kisses being left on his skin.

“Do you think this feeling will ever go away?” you asked him one night, your hands running through the curls that you had been pulling not too long ago.

“Hmm?” he asked softly, “I hope so. I love being in love with you.” he chuckled, his lips leaving a trail of kisses from your shoulder until they met yours, your legs pulling him closer for the long night you had both been craving.

Sometimes when Calum got lost in his head, with thoughts of what his future would look like, he realized just how easy it would be to lose you. All the moments he’d come up with, a house with a big yard for dogs, a car big enough to hold a stroller and car seats, and even just two rocking chairs on a porch where you could both sit and enjoy the Australian summer. Those could easily be lost, with mistakes and fights where Calum’s emotions got the best of him, gone and never to become a reality.

He was lying in bed one night, far away from the home and from you, when his thoughts caused his heart to race. When he realized just how easily he could lose you and everything you two had built.

“I just don’t understand how you could be so selfish, Calum?!” you groaned, your hands running through your hair for the tenth time in a matter of seconds, “How could you think you could make all these big decisions without thinking of me?”

“You’re just being dramatic. It’s part of my job, you knew this would be the case. You signed up for this!” Calum threw back, his own eyes rolling as he finished packing up his suitcase.

“You’re leaving for almost two years, Calum!” you shouted, tears pricking your eyes, “Did you even think about how that would affect me?” you asked and scoffed, “Of course you didn’t, all you do is think about yourself.”

Calum didn’t know when things had gotten this bad, when the small little arguments turned into fights where he would end up at Ashton’s house, trying his best to fall asleep on the leather couch. But he was tired of all the fighting, tired of all the insults thrown between the two of you. He thought that maybe if he just broke things off, that things would get better. But then there he was, watching you grab our bag and walk out the door and he never felt so scared in his life.

“Cal?” your voice whispered, bringing Calum back to reality one day, “Are you there, sweet boy?”

“Hmm? Yeah, sorry, just got lost in thought.” Calum mumbled and chuckled quietly, “What were you saying again?”

“That’s okay,” you laughed and shook your head, “I was saying we should stop by that gelato place near our Airbnb, they had a lot of cool flavors.”

Calum nodded, smiling as he watched you take a sip of the Italian wine you’d been nursing. The sun was setting behind you, making the perfect background of reds and oranges. The small getaway that Calum had planned for you both had been the perfect way to get some time together after life became too much and schedule conflicts meant you two hadn’t seen much of the other person in a few weeks. It had also been your six-year anniversary, which meant each day of your trip was filled with little surprises from one another. Little moments where the love you had proved every bad thought Calum had wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wastelandcth.tumblr.com


	2. Lover

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A dazzling haze, a mysterious place about you dear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on Lover by Taylor Swift.  
> warnings: mentions of smut.

January brought cold weather and dark mornings. The Christmas lights were still twinkling in the morning fog and Calum watched them, wrapped up in a blanket and beanie as he waited for Duke to finish up his morning potty break. He’d been awake for most of the morning, his brain too busy to even try and get some rest. 

He’d been up long after you had gone to bed, your back pressed against his chest as you let soft huffs out during your dreams. 

Normally, Calum had no problems sleeping when you were at his side. He’d fall asleep before you and he’d snore the whole night long. But this time, he was caught in a haze where nothing made sense and the goosebumps from the cold air felt like they’d been there all night. He’d been running over the words you’d whispered into his ear last night before your eyes closed and you left him alone in the darkness. 

“I think I would marry you if you asked me. I’d say yes." 

At that moment, Calum felt like his entire world was in the palm of your hands. If you had told him to run out and jump into the icy water of the pool in the backyard, he would’ve done so. But as the night went on and the gloomy clouds let in a soft light into the bedroom you’d both been sharing for years now, Calum’s heartbeat raced at the thought of being with you for the rest of his life. What if you got bored, what if he wasn’t what you thought he was and he was suddenly left with a broken heart and broken vows?

And that’s how Calum found himself on the foggy and rainy morning, watching his old dog sniff around the plants you’d insisted on planting for him while he had a crisis on whether or not the ring in his drawer would be enough for you. He knew the ring was good, it was his mother’s ring, and she’d basically thrown it at Calum to give to you when he’d mentioned settling down with you a few months back when he went to Sydney. He’d hid it in that drawer the second he’d flown home and had pushed it to the back of his mind because he’d never even talked about marriage with you and the thought made his hands sweat. 

He’d been in love with you for three years now. He’d known you for longer but he was always busy touring, writing, or recording and it wasn’t until life with the band had slowed down a bit that he’d had the chance to really sit down and think about his feelings for you. It wasn’t until his own life was stable enough that he could see you more in a week than he had in the past few months that he realized how deeply in love he was with you. At first, he hadn’t even noticed that it was love, he was just pissed off and it wasn’t until you turned back to smile at him that he felt the warmth in him spread all over. 

Calum had the day he realized he loved you ingrained in his mind. You had both been at the grocery store, running errands with one another and catching up from the times Calum had been traveling around the world. Calum had been browsing the snack aisle, a giant pack of double stuffed Oreos calling his name when he heard your laugh. Usually hearing your laugh would bring butterflies to his stomach, but that day he looked over and saw you covering your mouth with your hand as you laughed at something a stranger said to you, he wanted to punch the man. He wasn’t even that good-looking, in Calum’s mind, I mean who even wears khakis out to the grocery store on a Tuesday afternoon? It didn’t make sense and the guy was definitely not your type at all. Calum scoffed and rolled his eyes as he had walked back over to you, eyeing the guy up before he wrapped his arm around her waist.

"You ready to go, hun?” Calum mumbled, his fist clenching by his side as he watched you and the man in the khakis both look over at him. 

Whenever Calum’s mind became overwhelmed with thoughts of you, he’d turn to music. He’d always turned to music when life became too much and his brain felt flooded. He’d spend hours locked in the music room where scattered notebooks held unspoken words and where bass lines floated throughout the air. That night had been no different, you’d been off in a hotel with your bridesmaids, in a city full of temptation and lights, and Calum was at home reeling over what he’d say about you and the love he had for you in a few short weeks. 

The wedding vows had been on his mind the second he’d gotten down on one knee in front of you almost a year ago. He’d tried writing them time and time again, the piles of crumpled paper mixing with unheard lyrics and thoughts Calum wasn’t sure who to tell. He’d tried writing them while you were sat next to him, while you watched tv and talked to him about whatever had happened this week at work. He tried writing them when you were asleep next to him when your soft breaths hit his shoulder with every rise and fall of your chest. He even tried writing them once in his head while your hands were pressed to his chest and the sound of your hips meeting was covered by the moans you were both letting out, but that was a bust; one of many that night. Every time Calum tried to write his vows, all he realized was that words he ever wrote for you would ever be good enough. 

How could Calum tell you in front of everyone you both loved and cherished how you were a magnetic force of a woman and he was in awe of the way you’d gone from a broken shell of a human, sobbing on the floor of Luke’s living room to the person he knew now. To the one who wouldn’t hesitate to tell Calum when he’d fucked up and that you loved him all in the same sentence. Calum’s heart had been bruised before, he’d be in the same boat where he didn’t think his heart would ever heal. Calum swore he’d never hurt you like you’d been hurt before even when both of you clashed and the dramatics were a bit too much. He swore that he was going to be there whenever you needed him, cheering you up with another joke he’d kept in his pockets for days when your mood was down and nothing could put a smile on your face. How would Calum ever put into words that he’d always save you a seat at whatever table you were sat at, no matter the occasion? No amount of words could ever amount to the love Calum had for you.

“Take me home?” you whispered in his ear that night, your hands sliding under the white button-up shirt he was wearing that night. The suit jacket he’d been wearing for most of the day had disappeared, lost in between the dancing and the few too many drinks you’d shared with family members. 

“Mmm, yeah?” Calum chuckled, his lips against your earlobe sent shivers down your spine, “And where shall I take my charming bride, to our home so we can make sure the neighborhood know who you married tonight, sweet girl?" 

"You are a man of many words, Hood.” you whispered, “Let’s see if those hold up just like those beautiful vows you gave today,” you smirked, your warm hands traveling over the expanse of his chest. 

Calum, who was always a man of his word, made sure that your wedding night was one to remember. The candles and rose petals leading up to your room trailed behind the dress you’d been wearing for way too many hours. Calum’s hand was in yours and as you both laid in bed, chests heaving as you both took a break from the wedding festivities. The sweat covering you both proof of the words he’d promised you earlier that night. 

“I panicked that night when you told me you would marry me if I asked. I must’ve stayed out with Duke for at least an hour, running over the thought that you wanted to marry me.” Calum whispered, his fingers threading through your hair as he closed his eyes. 

“And then you still asked me?” you teased, pressing a kiss over his heart, “Finally realized you couldn’t live without me?”

“Realized I wanted to love you every summer and winter and spring and fall.” Calum chuckled, and smiled, “That you were the one I wanted to dramatic with and that the haze I felt with you was love. Want you and only you, lover." 

"I wouldn’t want anyone else but you, lover."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you can find me on tumblr as well! wastelandcth.tumblr.com


	3. Disconnected

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Calum finds his sweet escape.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based off the song Disconnected by 5 Seconds of Summer  
> warnings: smut. smut. smut.

Touring with Calum had always been fun. You got to see and experience the world next to the man you loved and end most nights off with a concert. But the long flights and constantly being on the go left you and Calum exhausted by the middle of the tour. The shining lights of stage or photographers left you both with tired eyes and the constants scream from fans left you both with headaches. It was hard not to get tangled up in the lights and excitement of traveling with Calum, hard to not take pictures of everything you were doing and seeing on the days where the band wasn’t busy doing a radio show and rushing straight to the arenas. 

You knew Calum didn’t mind it, you knew he was happy that he could show you the world and have you be at his side while at it. But you also knew that Calum was never a fan of social media and that as he got older, his presence online became slim to none. That he’d always try to slip out of group photos if he could and that the only time he would be in a photo was if you were stood next to him or if you were the one taking a photo of him. 

Calum had thought someone high above the clouds must’ve been playing a sick joke on him the day he met you. He’d been burnt out from one too many days at the studio and his brain was pounding against his skull. He was irritated and annoyed and then you walked into the sandwich shop he was in line for and completely changed his life. He didn’t remember much of that first conversation or how he’d managed to get your number, but he thanked his lucky stars every day for that day. 

He felt a lot like he had that day now. His eyebrows were furrowed and the frown on his face hadn’t left since the radio interview that morning when they kept pressuring him to answer questions he had not wanted to. He had been quiet at lunch, his hand in yours the only way he could show you that he was still there for you. You’d been worried at first, thinking that he might’ve been upset with you but you knew if that were the case, Calum would’ve straight up told you. It was how you two worked, you would tell him if he was ever being a dick to you or if he had upset you and he would do the exact same to you. 

It wasn’t until Calum let out a quiet sigh when Michael had suggested they all go sightseeing for the rest of the day since their show wasn’t until tomorrow that you realized he was just in a pissy mood. The dark clouds in the sky probably meant it was going to rain and you knew that would make Calum’s day even worse. With a squeeze of his hand and a shake of your head, he gave you a small smile, one you knew he was silently telling you to thank you for. 

“Oh, Calum and I were actually thinking we’d stay in. But you should still go, just make sure to bring umbrellas.”

Sure enough, the rain came seconds after you and Calum had stepped onto the tour bus, the thunder you’d both listened to as you walked back in silence shaking the ground and making you grateful you’d stayed in. You knew Calum needed to destress, that his brain was probably running over a thousand thoughts an hour and that him being out in public was only going to make it worse. And you just happened to know what one of Calum’s favorite distractions was. 

It wasn’t long before you found yourself in Calum’s bunk, needy whines leaving you both as you kissed. His hands ran up your sides, running along your back as his skilled fingers unclasped the bra you were wearing. You were barely able to breathe at this point, his hot touch against your boiling skin, and the fact that there was no space for you to move as he pinned you down in the bunk of the tour bus wasn’t helping. Before you could try and push him away to get rid of the bra that had fallen down your chest and onto your stomach, his hands were tugging the sweater that had been keeping you warm up your body, and soon the chill that you had been protecting yourself from was biting at your skin again. You gasped, feeling his hot lips against the chill of your skin, the way they trailed down from your neck to your chest. 

Usually, when you and Calum found yourselves in his bunk, the rest of the band was around, and you’d have to find a way to keep your moans and whimpers muffled, which never really worked out, but this time it was different. This time the rest of the band was off sightseeing and that meant you and Calum could make as little or as much noise as you wanted to. 

The bunk didn’t leave much room for creativity, not that you were complaining too much about how your chest was pressed up against Calum’s as he guided your hips to take all of him. Your thighs were trembling with every thrust up into you that he made, the burning sensation adding to whatever pleasure Calum was giving you as you both chased a high. His grip on your hips made you whimper, knowing that the marks he’d leave would be there long after you the rain stopped.

His hips moved painfully slow, leaving you chasing his thrust for more. You could feel every ridge and vein of him and the slower he went, the more you wanted. His lips were everywhere, leaving small kisses on your forehead, on your neck following a small nip at the spot he knew would make you whimper, and on your own lips, swallowing down the moans you were letting out for him. You knew he was getting close, his hips moved harder and a lot faster, his breathy whines enveloped you both as the bunk became hotter and hotter around your bodies. 

“Such a sweet girl, always treat me so good. My favorite place, my getaway” he huffed out, his hooded eyes watching as you as your own eyes closed while your hands were pressed to his chest, trying to keep whatever semblance of rhythm you had made a few minutes ago. 

“Gonna…” you whimpered out, your voice small and shaky as you felt the waves burning through your body, making your vision blurry and mouth hang open, “Calum!”

His moans in your ear finally threw you over the edge, his hips snapping up into you a few more times while you reveled in the waves and waves of pleasure that washed over you before the buzzing in your ears faded and was met with the groans and whimpers Calum was letting out. You could feel him twitching inside of you, could feel his grip on your hips tighten as you hid your face in his shoulder, rocking your hips a few more times to ride out the high. 

“I love you so much,” he whispered quietly, once you’d both come to and the only noise in the tour bus was your breathing and the sound of rain hitting the foggy window next to you. It was where he wanted to be anytime he had a bad day, next to you listening to the rainy day go on without either of you, “Always know what I need and you never get mad when I got lost in my head. Help me disconnect whenever I need, sometimes even before I know I need to.” 

“We can always put the world away for a bit Cal, just me and you.” you whispered, your head laying on his chest as you listened to the thumping of his heartbeat mixed with the rainfall, “And the rain sounds better when you’re inside.”

“I do like the summer rain,” he whispered, a teasing tone to his voice as he pulled you close, humming away the melody of a song you both knew he’d be singing tomorrow night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wastelandcth.tumblr.com


	4. Golden Hour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You set Calum's world on fire, yeah and he knows everything's gonna be alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based off the song Golden Hour by Kasey Musgraves

Calum had always dreaded February. He hated how people told him love was in the air and that he’d eventually find the one for him. He hated that no matter how much he told people he was happy on his own, he felt a hole in his heart every time February rolled around. He felt a sadness creep into him as the shelves were stocked with red and pink. He saw the way couples drifted closer to one another as his least favorite holiday approached. He saw the specials on the restaurant doors advertising date nights and special moments alone with that special someone. 

But then he came across you. He saw you and heard that laugh he fell in love with and suddenly the cloudy February sky seemed to be blue. He watched you from across the bookstore, his own book long forgotten on the table in front of him. He watched how you picked up a book, read the inside of it, and then proceeded to either laugh or shrug before setting the book back onto the shelf. He watched you look through a whole bookshelf before he had the courage to stand up and walk over to the same shelf, pretending to browse through it. 

“Oh, that one is a good one. I read it last week and it made me sob for a good three hours. Oh, well, unless ugly crying isn’t your thing.” you mumbled, shaking your head as you looked up from the book you’d been reading. 

“Oh. I always say a good ugly cry is needed every once in a while. Can’t have dry eyes.” Calum mumbled and nodded, his breath leaving his chest when he heard you laugh. 

“A man who isn’t afraid to cry over books? Oh, do I have the list for you.”

Calum hadn’t realized how much he’d changed in the past couple of weeks since he’d gotten to know you. He hadn’t realized that every morning he’d wake up and appreciate the smaller things his life had to offer. He stood in the sun longer while he waited for Duke to come back inside, breathed in the cold air until his lungs burned for a better reason than the cigarette smoke he’d been inhaling less and less. He took more time smelling the ocean breeze and letting the saltwater hit his face while you two walked through the sandy beaches. As the short February days came to an end with sunsets that painted the sky with pinks and oranges, Calum felt the hole in his heart becoming smaller and smaller until all the loneliness he’d felt at the beginning of the month was nothing but a seed of fear so small Calum pushed it away the second he’d felt it. 

He’d taken you out on a date when he first realized how much you’d changed him. You were both laying on a blanket, listening to Calum read from the book you’d recommended for him. Your eyes were closed as you took in the softness of his voice while he read from the pages you’d read not too long ago. His voice was addicting, sure he was an amazing singer and you had spent the last couple of nights going through his repertoire memorizing lyrics and humming along to the music. But when Calum was reading to you, you felt yourself getting lost in the way his accent pronounced certain words or how the small lisp you’d found adorable made itself noticed. You smiled as you heard him let out a soft breath, whatever sentenced he’d been reading out loud repeating itself in your brain as you found more of Calum in the book. 

“Why’d you like this book so much?” Calum mumbled after he turned the page to a new chapter, “Not saying it’s bad or anything,” he chuckled.

“It’s an interesting book. Shows how connected we all are even if we don’t know it,” you mumbled as you opened your eyes to be met with Calum’s. 

Calum could remember the days when his sadness felt like it took over every single part of him. Where he felt like his lungs were never filled with enough air and where his breaths would never bring him the peace he’d been craving. He remembered how whenever the moon was high in the sky and his mind was racing, he felt like he could drown in his sadness. Calum remembered that no matter how much smoke he inhaled into his lungs or how much to drink he had, his brain never seemed to stop and every aspiration he’d had felt like it was drifting away with the smoke. 

Some nights, when you had decided to stay in the comfort of Calum’s arms as the sunset and the stars hid behind clouds, Calum found himself wondering how he’d ever been stuck for so long. Your warm breaths were hitting his neck, the small noises leaving you every once in a while reminding him that you were there and if he needed to, he could nudge you awake and tell you what was on his mind. Those were Calum’s favorite nights when your cold feet found his warmth under the covers and where you were never more than an arm’s reach away from him. 

“Sweet girl.” he whispered, his eyes heavy and his voice laced with sleep, “Need to talk.”

“Hmph,” you mumbled, your head finding a comfortable spot in the crook of his neck as Calum took in a deep breath. 

“So all along, the Doctor was telling the story to the father?” Calum’s voice mumbled into the crown of your head, “He knew all along?" 

"Mhm, but he changed the ending. Wanted to make sure the father got the happy ending he should’ve gotten,” you whispered into the dark, leaving a soft kiss on Calum’s skin as you felt the urge to fall back into sleep grow heavier and heavier. 

“Happy ending, huh?’

Calum never thought he’d have a happy ending. He never saw himself with a white picket fence and a baby. But the longer he was with you, the more time he spent reading with your head in his lap, the more he realized that maybe his happy ending was different. Maybe his happy ending wasn’t what he’d always seen other people get. 

Maybe Calum’s happy ending was different. Maybe his happy ending was spending time with the one person from the bookstore who would hold him tight on the nights when he didn’t know who he was. The one who made him laugh so hard his chest hurt and tears were streaming down his cheeks. Calum’s happy ending could’ve been you all along. It could be dates to the ice cream shop where you both end up eating way too much ice cream and proceed to lay on the couch not moving. It could be late nights in a drive-thru with music blasting or early morning coffee runs. All Calum knew was that the sunsets looked brighter with you around and the moon shone brighter when you were with him. That maybe, just maybe, this was the golden hour he’d been searching for all along. 

"Calum? Should we go to the bookstore?” you’d asked him once in February, almost two years to the date he’d first seen you. “Need to pick up a new book people have been talking about nonstop.”

“Yeah. Let me get the keys.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wastelandcth.tumblr.com


	5. The Way it Was

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back then this thing was running on momentum, love, and trust. That paradise is buried in the dust.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on the song The Way it Was by The Killers.

Calum watched as the stars passed above him. The dry desert wind hit his skin as his eyes closed and the thumping in his ears made him numb to the world. He’d been silent for most of the ride, too lost in his head to really remember how long you’d been driving him in the darkness of the desert. He didn’t remember exactly how long he’d been with you after he’d watched you walk onto the stage to accept the award you’d won. He didn’t remember how long it had been since his breath had been stuck in his lungs as he watched you up on stage thanking your loved ones and the fans. 

The stars could only distract him for so long before Calum’s mind drifted back towards one of the last times he’d seen you. When the tears running down your cheeks shined brighter than lights he’d seen on stage a few minutes ago. His ears were still ringing from the fans he’d sang to and his throat burned from the shouting match you were both engaged in. He didn’t even really remember what you two were fighting about, the most recent fights had all been like that. Insults and hurtful words spewed out at one another and it seemed like every time the tears would spill or your voices would crack, Calum found himself slipping further and further away from you. 

The day you two broke things off, the day you both said too much and the words stung too hard on each other’s hearts, Calum knew he’d never be able to love as he loved you again. He watched you walk away, tears falling down his cheeks and shaky breaths leaving his lungs. That was the last time he saw you, as a feisty nineteen-year-old with your whole life ahead of you and his whole life ahead of his. And as your figure got smaller and smaller in the hallway of that arena, Calum couldn’t help but feel his heart go with you. 

“Do you think we were just too young?” you asked as the car stopped on a pullout, the dark desert enveloping you both. “Or maybe we were just too dumb to realize what we were doing back then?”

Calum sighed, his eyes looking over at you, he’d thought about it every day for years. He ran over every possible reason why your relationship had never worked, why you two fell apart and never talked again. It wasn’t like you’d both changed phone numbers the second you’d walked out of each other’s lives. Calum knew your new place had been only less than an hour away from the one you’d both shared. He knew that you still made the drive to your favorite grocery store down the road because they had the best oranges in town. 

“Too young to know things like love. To know that what we felt was and might’ve been love.” Calum mumbled softly and shrugged, his eyes drifting back over to the stars that seemed to shine brighter when you were around. 

“I always felt loved by you, you know that? Always made me feel like I was safe and cared for,” you whispered into the night, your own eyes moving up to look at the stars. “I hope you felt the same." 

Calum remembers when he first felt that pit in his stomach. When he realized that he was no longer that teenage boy who got excited over holding your hand or kissing you. He remembers those nights when the lights shone brighter and your smile made his heart race. Whenever he had you by his side, he felt like anything was possible and the nights were longer and brighter. 

He remembers how he’d never been able to tell you about all the feelings he’d been holding in. The way his heart raced and his palms would sweat whenever he got close to telling you about the way he truly felt. He’d whisper the words to you at night when you were asleep and he was alone on his own. He’d whispered them in the dark when your dorm was far away and the breeze coming in through the window meant that you were pressed against his chest and breathing against his neck. 

"I did feel it. Felt it so hard I thought I was going crazy.” Calum whispered and chuckled quietly. 

Calum saw when the look in your eyes changed whenever you looked at him. When the sparkle left and it was replaced by something he’d never seen before. At first, he feared the worst. He feared that maybe you’d found someone who was better than him, someone who wasn’t away for so long or would be able to spend more time with you. 

He’d asked you one night about it. When he was so lost in his mind and you kept telling him off. He’d foolishly asked you if there was another person and if that’s why you had pushed him away. 

“You seriously think I would do that to you, Calum?! That I would fuck someone else just because you were gone!?” you scoffed. 

“What am I supposed to think? You don’t look at me anymore, you barely call or answer my text messages! You didn’t even want to come on tour with me until I practically begged you!” Calum scoffed and shook his head, “I don’t know what you expect me to believe." 

"That I fucking love you and I would never leave you!" 

"Sometimes I imagine what our lives might’ve been like if we would’ve worked out. If we hadn’t been so stupid and let us all drift apart.” you mumbled quietly, your head finding a familiar spot on Calum’s shoulder, “That maybe we’d be twenty-five and exploring the world together. You with touring and making music and me with I don’t even know..” she laughed. 

“Making amazing music as well.” Calum mumbled and chuckled, his hand squeezing your thigh gently, “You did win an award for it tonight." 

"But all my songs were about…about you and the way my heart still beats for you,” you mumbled, leaning into the touch of the man who’d always held it in his embrace. 

“I wish it could be the way it used to be. Before all the fights and all the stupid words we said.” Calum whispered, his lips leaving a kiss on the crown of your head, “With you by my side and our love shining brighter than ever." 

"It could be. We could try this again, you know?” you whispered, “We’re both older now, know who we are as people." 

"You’d want to?” Calum asked quietly, his eyebrow peaking in interest, “You’d want to give it another go? Another chance for fighting and yelling and just….putting our hearts on the line?" 

"I don’t want the fighting. I want the kisses in the morning and the way you always cover your mouth when you laugh too loud. I want the midnight drives when we sing to whatever songs are stuck in our head and the love we had for one another.” you sighed and sat up. “I want things to be the way they were, Calum." 

"My heart is yours, you know that? It always has been yours.” Calum mumbled as his hand found your cheek and his lips found yours.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wastelandcth.tumblr.com


	6. Best Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Calum wants to be your favorite boy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> based on the song best friend by orange county rex

Calum really hated going out to parties or clubbing. At the young age of twenty-five, Calum really didn’t want to be at a club at four in the morning. He would have rather been at home watching old reruns of Hotel Nightmares with you and Duke instead of downing another shot of Vodka while a group of people shoved past him. He felt lonely in a room full of people his age, felt like he was alone while the alcohol burned his throat and made him dizzy. 

Maybe he’d drank too much already because his thoughts turned to you. They turned to the way that your smile made him blush and want to hold you closer. But you were off on the dance floor entertaining some guy who’d bought you a drink. You’d laughed and complimented his shoes and before Calum knew it, you had left the drink next to him and walked off. But he watched you from the bar, watched as you laughed along to whatever joke the guy had told, and leaned closer to him. 

Calum’s eyes rolled as he scoffed and took another sip of his drink. He knew it was his own fault, that you were dancing and laughing with someone else. He’d never stopped you from talking about other people you’d found feelings for before. He never tried to tell you anything different when you told him about the heartbreaks of your life or the so-called amazing sex you’d been having, so it wasn’t your fault that he was currently gloomy and annoyed at a bar. 

Maybe if Calum hadn’t been so against relationships or the fact that being open and loving towards someone in the past had broken his heart. Maybe then he could’ve told you the truth about how he felt. About how he felt great whenever you were around and how you made his days and nights and all the time in between too. Maybe if Calum had told you years ago how he wanted to be your favorite boy, maybe just maybe, you’d both be back at his place watching Hotel Nightmares. 

Calum had known for a long time that his feelings for you went past the realms of friendship. The way his hugs seem to linger longer than a friendly hug should, or the way his laugh seemed genuine when it was just you two around. He wanted to be the one who brought that smile he loved so much onto your face and be the one to lighten up your bad days. But at the end of the night, Calum knew all he’d do was break your heart and leave you alone, being your friend just meant he could keep you around him for much longer. 

Calum knew that deep down, you probably didn’t feel the same. Why else would you be dancing with some stranger instead of him at the crowded bar? Why weren’t you both at home, slow dancing in his kitchen while you waited for the popcorn to be finished in the microwave, your footsteps falling in line with the pops? Maybe he’d been foolish, maybe the jazz music that played in his head while he imagined being loved by you was wrong and maybe you didn’t even see him as more than a friend. 

Maybe Calum was just meant to let you go and let you find someone who would make your heart melt and your smile shine. He knew that if he kept up his act of being the best friend, the wingman, the one you could run to whenever you wanted to complain about hookups gone wrong that you would still be close to him. And that’s all Calum could ask for, to be close to you. 

He watched as you danced, to some upbeat song you’d been complaining about for the past week, watched as you tried to hide the annoyed look on your face while the one you were dancing with sang along. He couldn’t help the laugh that left his lips as you shook your head and made your way back to the bar where he was still standing, brooding and wishing the song would change.

"He’s asking if I want to go back home with him.“ you told him over the music, your hand reaching over to steal a sip of his drink, "He said this was his favorite song, can you believe that?" 

"I mean, he seems like the kind of guy whose favorite song would be this.” Calum teased and chuckled, “Are you going to go with him?" 

"I’d rather choke if I’m honest.” you laughed and shook her head, “I may have told him that I was just dancing with him because I got into a fight with my boyfriend and he was watching us.”

Calum’s eyebrow raised as his head snapped to look at you, a question on the tip of his tongue but you knew him better than he knew himself sometimes. You patted his shoulder and chuckled, shaking your head as you finished the drink and ordered another two. 

“Just wasn’t feeling his vibes. Don’t worry, I don’t think he knows that you’re you.” you said with a shrug, “No need to worry about what the press will say, Hood.”

“Do you think I care about that?” Calum asked with a frown, “Because I don’t.”

“Why don’t we finish these and then head out? It’s getting stuffy in here and I’m pretty sure there’s a rerun of Kitchen Nightmare on tonight.” you shrugged, “Better than being here." 

Calum had always wanted for you to be happy. He’d always look out for you when you two were in a crowd, making sure you were okay and that you hadn’t been separated from him. He’d wanted you to be safe and loved. Even now, as you both rode in the backseat of an uber, watching the city light pass by you with the club and your group of friends long behind you Calum wanted you to be happy. Even after tonight’s less than eventful conversation about being used as a fake boyfriend, Calum couldn’t help but feel the pit in his stomach grow as he thought over your words. 

Maybe Calum wasn’t open with his feelings towards you. Those deep and passionate feelings he’d hid away from himself for such a long time and maybe it was for the best. With your head on his shoulder and his hand in yours, Calum couldn’t help but feel that being your best friend was the only way for you two to truly be. Because if you were happy, then maybe eventually Calum could be happy with that too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wastelandcth.tumblr.com


	7. Pierre

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So I found me a lover who can play the bass.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> based on the song by Ryn Weaver

You liked to think of yourself as adventurous. The days spent in the desert terrains and lost in the cities brought back memories of love and happiness. You liked to think that you were adventurous and that you never thought twice about something because if you didn’t try, you wouldn’t know. Many nights out consisted of drinking and dancing the night away, only to wake up next to a stranger whose name you’d forget by the time you got back to your hotel that afternoon. 

That was until you met Calum. 

It had started out as a typical hookup, one too many drinks shared between the both of you as you listened to him talking with the rest of the people he’d come to the bar with. You were just overjoyed to have found more people who spoke the same language as you did, the more alcohol in your system the less you remembered French. So as the night when on and the drinks kept flowing, you found yourself stuck to Calum’s side while you tried to listen to him over the loud music. 

“Do you want to head out?”

Usually, whenever someone would ask you, you would be more than happy to follow the person who’d been buying you drinks all night home. But with Calum, it had been different. You’d almost convinced yourself to say no to him before his hand found yours and gave it a reassuring squeeze, the soft smile on his face waiting for an answer. 

“We can try and find something good to eat. Not sure what could be open right now,” he said over the loud music, his warm breath on your ear sending shivers down your spine. 

“Yeah, okay.” you smiled and with that, you found yourself walking out of the club hand in hand, a bubbly feeling forming in your stomach. 

Most nights out on your adventures were spent getting tangled up in a bed, with soft moans and sloppy kisses. Most nights were spent with a stranger who you knew you’d never see again and leaving before the sun even peaked through the horizon. They were rushed movements and clothes falling onto the floor, both you and the person you were with racing to reach whatever high you needed from one another. Most nights like this didn’t involve someone like Calum. 

He’d been quiet for most of the night, watching you from afar as you made conversation with a few of the people in his friend group. It wasn’t until he’d had a few drinks in him that you heard him speak up and ask you if you wanted another drink yourself. From then on you two had chatted the night away, talking about why you were both in France and what the next couple of days held for you. You’d blushed as you saw watched the way his smile grew when you told him all about your flight to the city and how customs had been eventful. And when he told you about the show they’d played a few hours ago, you saw how passionate he was for the career he had. 

Even after you’d both left the club and made your way to the streets of Paris, things were different. There was no rush to get back to a hotel room, no rush to find each other in the darkness. It was the opposite, it was lingering touches and soft voices spoken into the lit-up city streets. It was laughing at silly jokes and trying to impress him with the minimal knowledge of the French language to order fries from a stand. Even as the sky lightened up and the sun threatened to peek up from the horizon, you and Calum found yourself in no rush to head back. It wasn’t until your feet were both too tired to keep walking through the cobblestone streets that you found yourselves in a car to an address you’d forced yourself to memorize since you’d landed in Paris. 

Sunlight was bleeding in from behind the curtains of your room by the time you and Calum had stumbled in. You’d both shed your clothes in slow steps, a shoe by the door, a jacket near the bathroom, and even as you managed to lay under the covers with the soft fabric of his shirt covering you things felt different. You didn’t feel the nerves you usually felt when someone came to your hotel room, the pressure to find pleasure in a stranger. Calum seemed to sense whatever it was that you were feeling, his tired smile and eyes finding yours as he laid back on the bed, a gentle kiss finding its way onto your forehead.

“Get some sleep.”

Paris had been magical. It had been a short trip, something you’d regretted even now as you watched the cloud pass under you. It had been a city full of history and art you’d never imagined yourself seeing in real life. It was late-night walks in the park watching the twinkling lights of a tower so well known. But it was also the city where you’d met Calum. Where the bass player had snuck his way into your thoughts and where his warm hand had warmed yours in the chilly afternoons. 

Paris had been filled with days spent seeing the wonders it had to offer with him, both of your eyes shining as you took in the sights and smells of amazing food and wonderful scenery. It was evenings spent eating fancy cheese and laughing over flubbed French words. Paris was nights spent awake in each other’s arms, whispering about moments in life when you’d both realized how amazing it was to be there next to one another. It was early mornings where you’d both be lost in one another, sharing soft kisses under soft covers that hid you both away from the world. Paris was the place where you found Calum and where you had left him with your heart and a promise of seeing him soon. 

“I’m glad I found you, you know that? Glad I took those two shots before I walked over to talk to you. I might’ve chickened out if I hadn’t taken those.” he’d whispered on your last night, his chest rising and falling as the curls you’d been tugging on a few minutes before stuck to his forehead. 

“Mmm, me too. Glad you came over to talk to me. Wanted to hear your accent.” you whispered and smiled, pressing a soft kiss on to the warmth of his skin. 

Home felt different. It felt like there was a piece of you missing as you returned to your daily routine. The sunny days didn’t seem so bright and the iced coffees weren’t as sweet. The only constant in your routine had been the text messages, and even then, they weren’t always on time. Sometimes they’d pop up on your phone late at night as you got ready for bed, a silly picture from the bunk. Other times, they’d pop up in the early hours of the morning while you were asleep and you wouldn’t answer until much later, whenever Calum had drifted off to his own dreams. 

Sometimes at night, you could still feel his arms around you, could feel the way he’d pulled you closer in the middle of the night and mumbled something you couldn’t quite catch. It helped on the nights when you’d watched him drift off on a video call while you were typing away at your computer while trying to work. It was nice to feel like the piece of you that you’d left in Paris was still somehow close enough that you could feel him, still hear the words he’d whispered into the air as you’d both laid there the night before you left. 

“What happens tomorrow?” he asked quietly, his eyes meeting yours, “What happens when you board that plane?" 

You’d been thinking about it too. What would happen when the keys to your room were no longer in your bag and the air of Paris no longer in your lungs? What would happen to you and Calum when the city of love was far from you and he was back on a tour bus? 

"I don’t know.” you mumbled, “I don’t think I could ever forget about this, about you." 

"Neither could I." 

And when he came back to you a few weeks later, you knew it had nothing to do with Paris, but the boy who could play the bass with the quiet eyes and soft lips who’d made your trip magical.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wastelandcth.tumblr.com


	8. A Teenager in Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Each night Calum asks the stars up above, why must I be a teenager in love?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> based on the song a teenager in love by dion and the belmonts.

Calum met you when you were both young and foolish. When you both thought the sky was the limit and that having a person by your side would be all you needed to make it through. Calum was young and he thought you would always be by his side. He thought he’d wake up every day by your side and the sun would shine bright as long as he was with you. 

Calum was foolish. 

You both learned quickly that being young and in love was just challenges after challenges. That loving someone meant fighting over little things that seemed so much bigger at the time and the fear that pierced through you both. The fear that maybe this time it would be too much and that you both would crumble and fly away in the wind. Early on, when the fights were small and unimportant, it was almost like a thrill, a way for you both to test the waters of your relationship. But as Calum’s time away from you became longer and longer, the fights led to more silence and fear that maybe this fight would be the last one to push you both over the edge. 

On nights when you both were too stubborn to answer text messages or phone calls, Calum would go out and look up at the stars. He’d sit on the hood of his car that he’d parked in the darkness the California hills offered and star up at the twinkling lights above. He’d wonder why things had to be the way they were and why you two always seemed to be at war with one another. 

Sometimes Calum blamed himself, his fear of letting you in and exposing his heart to you causing him to back away at a moment’s notice. Sometimes he blamed you, for not understanding that his job was important and that you could be a distraction at times. But most of the time, he blamed being young and in love for the fights where you two would leave in tears, broken voices, and shaky hands the only reminders of one another for a while. 

There were the bad days when you and Calum went weeks and sometimes even months without talking. When his touring schedule was so hectic that even Calum couldn’t figure out what time to call or even if he wanted to at that point. There were days when he was so tired he’d miss your calls and his buzzing phone would land on the floor next to his bunk. 

But some days, some days were so good that all the bad days seem to disappear. Some days Calum felt like he was on top of the world when you were by his side. He felt like all the stupid fights and silly arguments meant nothing if he could just keep your hand in his as you walked down the sandy beaches and looked at the sunset. Sometimes, when the world became too much for both of you and you found solace in each other’s arms, Calum realized that the good with the bad was so much better than anything else. That he’d take any moments he could with you. He liked the fact that you both could scream and fight and call each other crazy but at the end of the night you’d still kiss him and pull him in tighter.

It was during one of your breaks that he wrote the song. When the words became too much and you both decided time apart from your relationship would be best. He’d been at the studio for what seemed like the third week in a row, his hands aching from the writing and the playing, when he’d gotten your text. At first, he’d assumed you were just messing with him, that this was just another way for attention. It wasn’t until he’d gotten home in the early hours of the morning and he saw the shirt you’d always steal from him folded neatly on the edge of his bed that his heart raced. 

Even if your relationship hadn’t been perfect, Calum couldn’t help but feel the panic of it coming to an end. He couldn’t stop the way his hands shook as he picked up the shirt or stop the tears that fell down his cheeks. He couldn’t help the sob that left him or the impulse he felt to call you. But he knew what you were like, knew that you wouldn’t answer and so he did the next best thing he knew how to do, he wrote a song. 

The first time you heard the song, Calum had sent you a voice note. You didn’t think much about it, Calum always sent you voice notes because it was the easiest way for him to remember whatever melody or lyrics had popped into his brain at a random hour. But this was different, this one had a title and Calum had made sure to tell you to listen to it. So with your headphones in and your heart racing, you hit play. 

The song had ended and you say there in silence, tears falling down your face as you hit play again and again, listening to the shift in his voice. The way his voice cracked when he’d talked about the shirt on the bed and the way you could imagine a smile on his face as he sang about you both. And when you’d listened to the song for maybe the tenth time, you realized that maybe you’d let Calum rip your heart out if that meant you could both stay in each other’s embrace. That maybe if you two worked on becoming better people alone you’d eventually come back to one another. 

Calum hadn’t seen you in years. Hadn’t seen your smile or heard your laugh since that night when he’d sent you the song. Since you both agreed that if it was meant to be, you’d find each other once again. He hadn’t gotten you out of his head since that night he watched you walk out of his life. With time, you weren’t always at the front of his mind, but you were always in the back of his brain even when he tried his hardest not to think of you. He’d grown a lot as a person, he wasn’t a teenager anymore who was too afraid to open up and let someone into his life. He’d gotten better at talking about what he felt and expressing his love towards his friends and those around him. He didn’t push people away anymore when they threatened to get close to him and his smile shined brighter on nights when his heart soared on stage. 

The first time Calum saw you, he thought he’d imagined it. You were laughing with a group of friends, the sun above you making your skin glow and your hair blowing in the wind almost made him fall back onto the sandy beach. He’d debated on whether he should go up and say hi, but you looked happy with your friends, and he was dragged away by his best friends before he could gather the courage to walk over. The second time he’d seen you he had been on a phone call and he’d stuttered over his words as he watched you order a drink at the café you’d both found yourselves in. You seemed happier and more confident in the way you carried yourself. Calum’s eyes met yours as you scanned the café, both of you frozen in place as you tried to figure out if it was really him. 

Maybe it was all the coffee that Calum had already consumed by the time had unfrozen and you’d made your way over to him, but his heartbeat raced and his palms were sweaty. He’d greet you with a shy smile, the hug that you pulled him into making his breathing stop. And when he saw the smile you gave him when you looked up at him, Calum felt like he was a teenager in love once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wastelandcth.tumblr.com

**Author's Note:**

> as always, you can find me on tumblr at wastelandcth.tumblr.com


End file.
